Choosing our Fights

 I remember crying myself out in the bathroom as I talked with my aunt.

"Please let me be."

"Let me go continue my studies first, I want to be able to feel again." I told her.

At that time, I couldn't feel, I was numb. But it was painful at the same time. I know that it was not right, and I have no idea where to go again, I don't feel accepted by my family as well. Ever since my father passed away, resigning from my previous company into his business, my world was... dark. I have no idea who I want to be, what I am supposed to do, I'm just following orders, pretending.

I decided to go to a psychiatrist - I felt there was no way out anymore.

I did not want to continue living, but I'm too afraid to end it as well.

9 months passed by, I wish I can tell myself, "You can choose your fights."

You don't have to stay if it is unbearable, you can quit.

Do not quit because it is hard, quit because it is sucks. Only you yourself can know what fight you are willing to put up. What is your purpose? How do you want to live your life?

Live has no purpose, so... determine it yourself. That is a privilege that I have always underestimated.

Now as I am in the beginning of my studies, I must admit - it is hard. Really hard.

But it felt so right that I don't mind to fight, to learn new things, to find a new purpose and fulfill myself and the people around me.

So, wisely choose your fights. 

Quit, if it makes you feel trapped and there is nowhere else to go.

Fight and continue if it brings you hope.