Mom: A Carved Figure

Flashes of my mother stroking my hair,

Teaches me how to wear a dress,

Sings me lullabies,

Cooks fried rice for us,

Drives so fast I wasn't even sure I was safe,

Sews me barbie dresses,

Buys me dolls,

Smiles so beautifully despite being in a coffin.

Those are what you are now, mom.

You are a figure that is carved by my blurry memories

You are a person that I wish I could get to know, but I can 't

I love you. Wherever you are, you are always in my mind.

You were the one who gave me the breath of life.

Thank you, and sorry.

My mom has always been an angel in my mind. She has always been someone that I built in my mind based on my blurry memories and stories my relatives told. The carved figure that came out of it is - an independent woman who is simply perfect with her flaws. They said that she was energetic, she was a captivating woman, restless, a bit mysterious, full of love, mischievous. She is someone that I can't see in myself, someone that I wish I were, or at least resembles. I want to know more about her, hoping to find a part of me in her instead. However, death and life are too far apart yet so near at the same time.

Yesterday was mother's day. I wished I have a good picture of both of us so that I can post them like what everybody else did. I wished that you were still here so that posting a picture of us won't make people pity me. However, don't you worry because I have accepted everything that happened as my fate, and am thankful for it. 

Rest in peace mom, enjoy yourself, happy belated mother's day. 

Kustjes,

Sasa