Embracing Our Emotions
Why is it, that we've always been told to be happy? To always laugh so that we can enjoy life. That 'happiness' is the road you should have in your journey. What about the other emotions? Why do people tell you to stop being sad or angry and get over it? All other emotions are equally important in life. You can't make a rainbow with only one color. You can't be happy all the time. Let's embrace all of our emotions, and tell ourselves that is is okay to be sad, to be afraid, to be angry. We are well beings with consciousness and those feelings can't be avoided.
"Don't cry, show me that pretty smile of yours, please?"
That's what we often say to somebody who is in grief. No matter how sweet that sounded, I don't think it's a good way to console someone. Instead, why don't we give them a hug and let them be immersed in that sadness, let them know that it is okay to be sad and we will always be there to support them? Everyone needs to feel sad. For when there is sadness, there is the joy too. These opposite feelings co-exist each other. We would not feel one without the other.
What happens if our life is, people try to hide their sadness, the same applies for me. I've lost track of how many times I said, "I'm okay" when deep down I am in severe pain. Pretending to be happy while frowning inside. Burying those emotions do me no good. They explode once in a while, resulting a pathetic me sobbing at the corner of the room. Luckily and unfortunately at the same time, I am one of those people who don't have eye bags after they cried. People will usually suspect me having the flu instead of a 'self-consoling' moment. Therefore, I always look fine to them. I can perfectly hide my sadness and give my biggest smile to conceal it further. The good side is I never have to deal with people trying to spill the beans out of me to share my feelings. The bad side is, the same thing - those emotions kept on burdening me since it is never spilled out.
For the first several times, bursting out my emotions made me a bit happier. However, time to time, I found myself not burying only sadness. I threw in my disappointment, anger, heartbroken feelings, hatred, all into that 'hole'. In a moment, I just can't distinguish what my feelings are. Everything just falls into the category "not right". I'm not feeling right now, I'm not supposed to be like this, I'm supposed to be happy. That the following explosions I had were sadness that I made up that made me cry. Yes, I imagined sad things just to make myself cry, expecting to feel 'okay' afterwards. But of course, I still found myself not feeling 'right'.
I was not aware of this irony myself, till I chatted with Mary online using Louise as my disguise name,
Louise : I am constantly depressed and I don't know why. What am I supposed to do?
Mary: Maybe because you thought you are supposed to be happy.
Louise : What do you mean?
Mary: You know, you do things well, you listen to people, do well in school/work, and you expect to be happy. But the truth is you never listen to yourself.
Louise: How do I know what I want?
Mary: Just do what your mind tells you. Don't do things for the sake of people. You can't be selfless and happy at the same time. Keep that in your mind.
Then I asked myself what do I want? I want to be able to share my fear, my anxiety and I want to stop pretending to be happy so that I won't worry my friends and family. There, I have it. I want to embrace my emotions. I want to freely say what I feel that leads me to depression and getting help without worrying about being judged. To not seek help through an online chat forum anonymously in the first place. To not vent out my anger in a word document I named as "draft33" as my diary (that in the end is filled with swear words). Not long after that, I continued this blog for a 'healthier' way of me sharing my feelings.
Therefore, I no longer wish for a life full of happiness, but for a world where people can share and express my emotions freely. A world where all emotions are accepted.
"
This is something that should be implemented since we are young. One day, I will tell my kid not to stop crying, but to remind him - to always share his feelings and don't be ashamed of it. All kinds of feelings should be shared. "If you share happiness, it will intensify and when you share sadness, you will feel lighter. The key is to communicate it in the right way, that's all it takes and don't lock yourself in your mind.
"Don't cry, show me that pretty smile of yours, please?"
That's what we often say to somebody who is in grief. No matter how sweet that sounded, I don't think it's a good way to console someone. Instead, why don't we give them a hug and let them be immersed in that sadness, let them know that it is okay to be sad and we will always be there to support them? Everyone needs to feel sad. For when there is sadness, there is the joy too. These opposite feelings co-exist each other. We would not feel one without the other.
What happens if our life is, people try to hide their sadness, the same applies for me. I've lost track of how many times I said, "I'm okay" when deep down I am in severe pain. Pretending to be happy while frowning inside. Burying those emotions do me no good. They explode once in a while, resulting a pathetic me sobbing at the corner of the room. Luckily and unfortunately at the same time, I am one of those people who don't have eye bags after they cried. People will usually suspect me having the flu instead of a 'self-consoling' moment. Therefore, I always look fine to them. I can perfectly hide my sadness and give my biggest smile to conceal it further. The good side is I never have to deal with people trying to spill the beans out of me to share my feelings. The bad side is, the same thing - those emotions kept on burdening me since it is never spilled out.
For the first several times, bursting out my emotions made me a bit happier. However, time to time, I found myself not burying only sadness. I threw in my disappointment, anger, heartbroken feelings, hatred, all into that 'hole'. In a moment, I just can't distinguish what my feelings are. Everything just falls into the category "not right". I'm not feeling right now, I'm not supposed to be like this, I'm supposed to be happy. That the following explosions I had were sadness that I made up that made me cry. Yes, I imagined sad things just to make myself cry, expecting to feel 'okay' afterwards. But of course, I still found myself not feeling 'right'.
I was not aware of this irony myself, till I chatted with Mary online using Louise as my disguise name,
Louise : I am constantly depressed and I don't know why. What am I supposed to do?
Mary: Maybe because you thought you are supposed to be happy.
Louise : What do you mean?
Mary: You know, you do things well, you listen to people, do well in school/work, and you expect to be happy. But the truth is you never listen to yourself.
Louise: How do I know what I want?
Mary: Just do what your mind tells you. Don't do things for the sake of people. You can't be selfless and happy at the same time. Keep that in your mind.
Then I asked myself what do I want? I want to be able to share my fear, my anxiety and I want to stop pretending to be happy so that I won't worry my friends and family. There, I have it. I want to embrace my emotions. I want to freely say what I feel that leads me to depression and getting help without worrying about being judged. To not seek help through an online chat forum anonymously in the first place. To not vent out my anger in a word document I named as "draft33" as my diary (that in the end is filled with swear words). Not long after that, I continued this blog for a 'healthier' way of me sharing my feelings.
Therefore, I no longer wish for a life full of happiness, but for a world where people can share and express my emotions freely. A world where all emotions are accepted.
"
This is something that should be implemented since we are young. One day, I will tell my kid not to stop crying, but to remind him - to always share his feelings and don't be ashamed of it. All kinds of feelings should be shared. "If you share happiness, it will intensify and when you share sadness, you will feel lighter. The key is to communicate it in the right way, that's all it takes and don't lock yourself in your mind.
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