Aggretsuko

I've just finished watching Aggretsuko.



Her name is Retsuko. She's a cute red panda in her mid 20s, known as a goody two shoes and a corporate slave in her everyday life, but secretly vents out her stress into karaoke (death metal to be specific). Just like all of us, she wonders what awaits in her life - hopefully something good that can take away from her mundane life, perhaps... marriage? Who wouldn't say no to marrying a rich handsome guy who would take care of your life? Along the way, we see her growing slowly... which was very rewarding.



The idea of this cartoon is so simple yet surprisingly very good. I can relate to her and I learnt so much from her story. It was so good that I felt enlightened after watching it.

I saw myself in Retsuko. Although a bit different - in my case I'm just a spoiled little girl who wants to abandon her responsibility, would like to go to work without worrying and have a good laugh with my colleagues, then go home to my family.

Yet I don't have any of it now.

For months I have been uncovering my layers of feelings (according to Mark Manson our feelings is like an onion, you uncover each layer to find another one, and it goes on forever).

"Why am I so miserable?"
"Why did I quit my job? I loved my friends there."
"What was I thinking? I hate my life now. I am surrounded by people who is killing me slowly. In just 2 months I am betrayed - torn apart - felt cheated - sad - questioning my own integrity (and even worse my father's integrity as well). This is not healthy for me at all."
"Do I want to do this forever?"
"What am I doing with my life?"
" I have nobody".
" I'm going to be forever alone."
" I don't want to trust anybody."

I cried almost every day, thinking "what if" and "why". I didn't know that it was going to be this hard doing all of this without him. I want to go back, go back in time - yet it feels like I'm already thrown into this endless pit. There's no way out.

Yet somehow Aggretsuko shown me the core of my feelings.
It was the lack of an emotional support system.
I don't have any. I don't have a system and that's why I'm so depressed.

Everybody needs an emotional support system.
No, not just a place to vent out, but a system.

Retsuko vents her stress through death metal, but her friends and her mom were her emotional support system. They welcome her, they accepted her flaws and her quirkiness, helped her out in her office. What's more important is this cartoon showed the process of her finding her way through her support system. She didn't have any in the beginning, just like me. Furthermore, the process is not instant.

I used to have my colleagues as my emotional support system. But now i have to move on.
It's okay to not have an emotional support system for now, but the important thing for me is to truly move on and think ahead - what could have happened can be so much more to what already happened. I should stop getting so frustrated when my ex-colleague is not readily available for me - that it's hard to meet them. Even some just toss me away, thinking I'm all good and should be envied. To you who did this - I truly hate you now. I wish that we don't have to meet again. Not even a single 'How are you?' - even when you asked, and I was about to open up you just shut me off (again.) - saying indirectly that I'm in a lucky position, stop whining. Yet you don't know the torment I have to go through every day. Also, zero effort for meet ups. Well, but that's the good thing of misery right? They show you who truly is your friend and who isn't. I guess I was just nobody for you in the beginning, I was wrong to trust you.

Even though this tunnel feels so dark and endless, I have to keep on going.

I would like to find my system from myself as well - I don't want to rely on people for now.
That's why I need to be alone for now.
So that the inner voice of me can come out once again and be the emotional support system I need.

Special thanks to my over-achieving friend who recommended this cartoon series :)