Boulders

I thought I was dead inside when I knew you were ill.
The following days were full of worries, regret, and guiltiness.
It felt like I was chained to such a heavy responsibility. I had to postpone my dreams for a moment.
But it was all for you, so I stayed sane.

Yet now I don’t even have any reason to wake up every morning.
Instead of chained, it feels like being under a giant boulder.
Leaving me bleeding, helpless, unable to do anything.
And it was all for nothing.
What was my dream again? I don't remember.
I can't feel a thing.
And I don’t know until when I will be like this, it feels like forever.
I don’t see any other light coming, darkness is all I feel.
The things I thought can bring me courage unexpectedly vanished.
If I can only count myself,
I am not strong enough.

Maybe life isn’t meant for being happy.

I need to be alone for now. Or - forever?