Ocean Sky

To me, the ocean is my sky.
The waves turn sun rays into stars.
As night arrives, lights are reflected.


I grew up in a city.
Seeing a sky full of stars is so rare for me.
That is why I love to stare into the ocean, as the waves moved, sunlight sparkled and it looked like a sky of stars.

I rarely write about my happy moments.
But that day, I was thankful.
As I stared into an infinite of ocean, alone on the top of the dock, I smiled.
I was still able to laugh, finally able to see another light at the end.
Although exhausted, jealous, well - life can never go as you want right?

For now, I just want to breathe and be able to give myself a pat in the back.
Able to tell myself, 'Everything's gonna be okay'.
'Don't be afraid to be alone'
Because nothing will ever go as planned, so fuck it and just do what you want.

Growing up
Every time I step outside of my comfort zone, I learnt something new about me.

But I hate going out of it.
When life is all good, why would you toss it away for the sake of 'learning' or 'exploring' a side of you? Honestly, I think all of this comfort zone is an illusion just for the sake to push lazy people to grow. But it's two different things for me, for people who truly live and have dreams, we don't have to be pushed to grow. Instead, we naturally change and improve ourselves for the sake of a better us.

So, should you 'go out of your comfort zone' and sell all your asset to learn becoming a trader although you hate that idea? But seeing your friends all doing this, you're tempted.

"Hey, you should go outside of your comfort zone!"

Please. People don't know the efforts you've made in your career.
They have no idea about you. You know the best for you and don't be guilt trip.

If I can turn back time, I'll tell that to myself.

But I can't.

So, I decided to dedicate a moment for the current 'me'.
Who have fought against her idealism, her principles, forced to learn accepting losses (she stupidly decided to throw away), how to stand still when life changes so suddenly, when the people around her is nothing but greedy.

What did I learn these past few months?

I didn't know I am a quitter.
I am a responsible person, but once I decided to quit, well that's it.
And It was not easy to admit my defeat.

I like to work where I can be genuine.
Money is not everything.

I just realized, I never set my inner boundaries.
I never do something solely for my happiness.
I've always centered my happiness on someone else's.
'As long as I can make my father happy, I'm good'
'As long as I can laugh and have good moments with my friends, life's good'
But what did I truly want?
I don't even know what I want.

But slowly, I started to see how important it is to take care of myself.
I started small first- eat good food, enjoy exercising and treat myself.
Hence, I started to listen more voices from my heart and body.

Here's to more moments for myself - I should enjoy this ride while I'm truly alone.
So that I can truly get to know myself better,
know what I truly want and aspire to be.