Anniversary

It has been almost a year since I graduated.

What I could tell you is that life isn't easy after college.

I can now relate to phrases "Welcome to real life", "Adulthood sucks".

Although I must tell you, it's not completely bad but it does take time.

Time is the key here, and being impatient is what making me suffer.

That whole year taught me about acceptance - that we can have all the things we want,
but not all at once.

1. It can be very lonely

I was so used to having a bunch of friends living 5 - 15 minutes away from me. At lonely days I can just come over and feel relieved instantly. I used to live in a small city where the world is even smaller. However, now? I don't have them as my comfort zone. I even wonder how did I survive living by myself during college. It feels lonely after work. Meeting with friends requires a lot of effort as well since I'm tired and my friends are busy. Moments where I can freely become myself in crowds are now rare. I hardly had any more sleepless night filled with laugh. Instead, I was deep asleep questioning about everything. As time goes on, I learnt to live with that and cherish the moments more. 

2. It's an 'awkward' period

I graduated earlier than some of my friends. Therefore, several of my closest friends are still busy with their assignments, some even still have a curfew. On the other hand, some are married and having kids or even busy travelling/ in a relationship with their job. It feel really weird to hear "I have to ask my mom's permission to hang out tonight" or drastically to "My child's sick I have to take care of her".

3. It will never be more clear
All of us hoped that having a secure job will leave us worrying less. However, the truth is it will never be crystal clear on what we are going to do with our lives. I had 3 different positions in the last year - and I am still confused what would suit me best. In the end, it is up to our choice and the opportunities available around us. Right now, what's important is to collect as many 'dots' as possible to connect them in the future. 'Everything will fall in place', is something that I have to remind myself every time.

4. Give it time
Start from the little things, join a course to learn new things that you might like. What I realized is I no longer enjoy playing games and would like to do something more productive. However, got quite stuck in determining what I would like to do more. I lost interest in several hobbies (e.g. baking, crafting) due to several reasons here. Volunteering is a good way to explore another side of yourself. Naturally, all of this would not be done in a day - it takes time and patience to feel settle.

Am I feeling better now? A little, but it still feels that I'm looking for pieces of myself - scattered all around.

Feeling lost? That's how I am supposed to feel in a journey.
Yet I have to be aware that there is no destination in this journey.